BoiTurtle

Hello every one

2004-08-23T00:58:41Z

I am at Ashleys and Tonyas this week.
they are at the beach with the baby.
beth moved back to her moms place. lucky me now im fucked in more ways then one. not so lucky for her she is still on my lease and if she dont find a way to get her part of the rent down it looks like i will be seeing the inside of a court house..:) ohhh lucky me agian.:)
later every one
the turtle Jo

Moved

2004-07-28T21:45:47Z

Will im all moved. into the appartment now the thing is i have found i hate liveing away from my friends as much as i hated moveing itself. it is harder and hareder for me to understand my roommate and how she thinks. but i guess i will work it out if i have to stay in my room when im home. i dont think it will come to this but it is one way. i miss Ashley and Tonya and the baby very much. and i have had no time to visit with donnie and mike like i had hope i would . i just had two techs walk out one is moveing the other desided that his southern baptist ass couldnt handle working with gay people any longer.. well FUCK OFF john boy .

any who too am my friends i hope to some day very soon beable to get back into gameing and hanging out thou im really not sure when. i am working 7 days a week 8 to 16 hours a night so i get home and fall out.. on top of makeing sure my roommate gets back and forth to her job and to do other things she thinks is inportant as this time or that... any ways soon very soon i will step in and reclaim my life .. but for now i extra money is good for me i just wish i didnt have to work so many damn hours to get it..:)

Later all you know my numbers if you need me just call:)
the turtle Jo

Whats love got to do with it?

2004-07-14T06:11:43Z

Some time even my head shrinking lady just makes me want to hail off and slap her silly.
YES i know i dont handle my emotions like every one else in the fucked up world . i know i have a warped sence of what LOVE is and how i feel it or dont feel it. i know this .. so i have desided something. What does love have to do with anything really??? i mean shit people go off and fuck people they dont even fucking know .. hello !! i have to brake the bad news for you lesbains out there who think AIDs is not anything we have to worry about becuz we do .. yes you can get HIV from a nother girl no not as easy as guy/guy or girl/guy but it can still happen to tell you the truth with my emotional ineptabilaty( ? ) i wonder why... why would you risk you life just for a quick fuck? then turn around and look at me when i say i just want my life to hurry and be over .... so you want me to what go fuck a bunch of people i dont know so i can die slow?? Wake the fuck up some times it eats at me to know i have in the past sleep with people that i was scared i would get something. so i guess im as bad as everyone else in this fucked up world . i just as my shinking head lady put it is me.." you have problems feeling and knowing your feeling love... becuz you don't know what it is.. love JoAnna is something your mother and father teach us when they first hold and hug us close.. you dont have that.. if i didn't know better i would say your someone that could easyly become a killer and not think about it

WHAT THE FUCK AM I PAYING THIS LADY FOR REALLY??

TO tell me some day i will snap and go off killing people becuz my mommy and daddy didn't love me? right i guess i am paying her for that.. not any more this will be shrinking head lady #8 this years.. anyone have a head shrinker that is worth a damn?

anyways back to my bitching about people sleeping with as many others as they can. im not talking about every one i know some people who don't look at is as more then just something to do. i think im going to make a 20 question page im going to start asking my next possable girlfriends :)

1. have you or do you ever think about Fucking guys?
Yes? please put you pen and paper down and leave.
No? please keep going
2. how many sex partners have you have in the last year?
more then 12 Please put your pen and paper down and leave
less then 6 please keep going
3. have you ever met any one from online and sleep with them the first time you met?
Yes? you know where my door is right?
No please keep going
4. do you think of your self as a female,girl,she?
No? please find my door leave my pen and paper
Yes great . i no longer do Bois and i have never done boys
5. can you name all you sex patrners and tell me if they had a neg HIV test before you sleep with them?
Yes. I think i love you already
No? why the fuck not?
6. do any of your exgirl friends have a restraining order on you?
i think you know what to do if you said .. yes
No.. great!!
i think i can go on and on but it pisses me off the more i sit here and type. so i will leave it at that. and i think im going to become a Nun or something.. well most likely not but damn if i know shit about relationships and my head shrinker isn't giveing me good odds about learning what im already missing.

night all

Играем в колбасу! У кого длиннее?

2004-06-12T04:57:46Z

{Участников:31}-{nightway}-{w23}-{cherita}-{goldy_kin}-{besyonya}-{alexej}-{ivand}-{ta_tochka}-{gosha}-{candelabra}-{nikon_nlg}-{dziro}-{ven_ture}-{xnrrn}-{allegroconmolto}-{soulscode}-{glassapples}-{traveller}-{shaenie}-{nasturtium}-{bunnybaggins}-{juvu}-{blueathena}-{wyldkyss} - {arcangelmichael} - {tamatama} - {lostboydv} - {lethann} - {terribleangel} - {ginabuny} - {boiturtle}

Чтобы присоединиться, введите свой ник и нажмите кнопку - колбаса сама запостится^* в ваш ЖЖ.
* - вы должны быть залогинены и у вас должны быть разрешены java-скрипты.
created by nightway

MOving

2004-06-05T05:49:57Z

Moving to me is so fucking scary!!
i hate it the moving from a safe place to a new place that isn't safe yet.. and what makes a new place finally safe?
I have lived with Ashley ( my best friend and Boss) and her wife for 4 years
I am about to move out to my own place with my girl friend.. and im scared to death i know this has a lot to do with my personal history and my stupid fears .. but i haven't sleep good in about aweek and it is starting to get to me.
I guess once the move is over and my stuff is unpacked and in its place agian i will calm down and sleep better.
or i hope so.

this will be my first move with out a dog.. that kinda scares me too i thought hard about a new puppy .. but i can't i don't want another animal to die right now that im close too. so i just have the cat.. he is a great cat even if he is a pain in the ass from time to time.

why the fuck is it so hard for me to let go of the past to just say it will all be ok and every thing will work out just fine. i wish i know it sure would make haveing relationships a lot easyer. having eshus sucks when you really just want to be like everyone else.

anyways..

later

WORK!! POEPLE !! I KNOW WHY I HATE HUMANS

2004-06-03T13:38:39Z

Tell me this
If the person liveing next to you moved and left his dog chained in the back yard would you not call someone or at lest go feed and water the dog?.... or would you wait three month and then call when the dog is to weak to stand anymore?

Or if you cat stops eating are you going to wait 7 days until you think it is time to see a vet about it?

Oh here is one for you. you have a 12 years old gray hound and you noticed and lump on his tummy about 3 months ago but didnt have it looked at until it was the size of a bowling ball?.. then you refuze to do the right thing and put the dog down.. you have the surgens cut your dog and you even refuse to put the dog down when they tell you it is cancer and there is nothing to do it has taken over 90% of his abdoman so they has no chose but to sew the dog up and let his wake up to the pain of not only the surgey but the fact you had they remove his leg cuz the cancer was also in his bones.... WTF is up with poeple???.

and way do people wait until a hoilday to put there animal to sleep ??
ok i worked 12 hours monday and in that 12 hours i put 12 animals to sleep. only 3 where needed the others where the owners just didnt want to deal with a medical problem. ( ie Hipo tyroid Give the damn cat a pill once a day is all it takes... GRRRRRR!!!!!) and the i wont even go into the kittens this week i just think people should have there animals spayed and nuetered there is no point in putting 9 kittens to sleep becuz you dont think it is RIGHT to spay the mother FUCk you .. you red neck prick head from ball ground dont let me see you any where around .... your a stupid ass fuck... we even siad you would take the kittens and find them home.." No I want to see all there dead bodys before i leave!!" ass wipe I hope you get yours in the end dude cuz you suck big texas lemons and i dont think anyone on this earth will cry the day you die and if they do it is cuz they dont know what a prick you can be

Sorry guys that man was an ass and i had to just type that seens i was the one who cryed over those damn kittens who didnt have a chance in hell with a fuck head like that... good thing i have you name and addy if i just to up set i will just come pay you a visit.

later guys
Jo

This is a work Rant

2004-05-11T08:05:33Z

First off this rant is about the past 3 day not just one day but 2 days of dumb asses who shouldn't have aniamls ... So tonya you might want to read this one at home.:)
saterday i was at work doing OSHA stuff before the party at donnies. this lady i have to first say she was about 200 years old blind and she DROVE to the clinic!!!!!!
she didn't need to be driving first oof second off some one in her family ( if any where a live) should have been helping her not just with driveing but with her dog... this poor poor sad dog was so fucking skinny it made me ill. the dog was a little mixed thing should have wieghed about 20 maybe 30 pounds and wieghted in at 9 pounds.. the lady said her dog was not eating it's food and was not drinking any water nether... So !!!!! we at first thought the dog was just very sick and she didn't notice for a while.. she got very upset at Pam and Mary when they started asking her anything about the dog... So they come to me and ask me to go talk to this lady... first off i normally scare old ladys with my tattoos and nose ring and shaved head and on and on.........

So i say what the hell .. so i go in and sit down and start talking to her about what she feeds the dog ... and when she noticed him not eating the food.. the old lady starts crying.. ok people this really kills me to see old ladys cry.... and i told her that we could help her baby if we didnt know what has been going on .. and so she looks up at me and starts tell me the dogs live story .... from puppy hood on .... the dog when out side a week ago she said... and then he stoped eating and drinking... in fact she said i didnt remember even seeing him ... Im like was he hideing or did he get locked away in a room some where....... once agian she started crying... so i when out and got her a glass of water and came back in she just sat there ... then she said.." honney im a very bad mommy i forgot my baby out side for two weeks i found him on the back porch curld up in a ball not moveing so i jumped in my car and drove right over.... i patted her on the bad and asked if she had a son or dauater or someone i could call for her ... cuz i was scared to let her drive home so up set.... she gave me a cell phone and said.." i never use this damn thing but me sons number is in it... and in deed there was only one number in the phone... so i when out and told the doctor the history and then called her Son... where i got this.." You people just want to tak emy moms money .. put that damn dog to sleep i dont want a bill for some dog !!! ok this pissed me off after dealing with the old lady i had to know deal with her fucking son!! i told him that it was her dog and she wanted us to treat it. so he drove over in a hoof and starting yelling at the girl working the front.. so i pull him into a room and start telling him what happen and that with a little fluids and some meds the dog will be just fine.

he demanded to talk to his mom ... TALK.. oh my fucking god if any one ever talk to an old lady like that in frount of me agian i wont care if im at work...... he was actually yelling at her for "being so stupid to leave the dog out side for two weeks ... you just stupid mom ..
So i opened the door and took her hand and pulled her into the back and sat her in a chair and gave her a blanket and let her hold her baby in her lap while he was getting some fluids .. then i when into the room where the son was and gave him a very quiet what for....... and got his sisters number.. as he stumped out the door.... i called his sister and when over everything with her ... from the mom driveing to what happen with the dog and then i tolf her.... and i think i pissed off your brother... she said good it is time some one told him to piss off... she can down with her hubby and took mom home and payed the bill .. the dog is doing ok but has a bad chest cold and need to gain some wieght ....

Any one else have a problem with this besided me?

then sunday around 7 pm i was to get off at 8p we had a cat come in... 2 years old male castrated .. main coon.
he was in congested heart filure .. so i rush him back and put him in O2
he calmed down .. the cat had been haveing problems breathing for 3 days???
HELLO PEOPLE is you do not have O2you die!!!!!!! it is that simple..

she man said well we thought he would go lay down and be "good to go"

they refused to put the cat down... they payed and left 10 mins after they where gone the cat started vomiting blood and turning blue... (( this is very bad for the cat .. but very little we can do and to have to watch an aniaml die like that is very hard for me ..

thinking

2004-05-01T06:52:21Z

i was thinking about ..............well............. nothing!!!
HAve you ever just been so mind fucked for so many weeks in a row that when you finally can think about something else ...... you can't you end up sitting and haveing your mind be blank..
i ahve desided to put of the test this june that i have studyed my ass off for.. after loseing Halley ... I have just lost my motavation to go and do it.. i will do the test in Januray it will give me time to get my head on strait.....

well ..... nothing is what is on my mind.

Sucks

2004-04-27T19:06:00Z

this month has got to be the worst ever in my life as for my Animals go
I took in a pit bull puppy just before halley died. and i had to have her to do sunday she was haveing seizures and i was not able to find any thing wrong none of the doctors could tell me anything except it isnt good.
there best guess would some kinda birth defect in her brain ir something
she became very aggrissive after a seizure and bite the crap out if me... i could and no one should ever keep a dog that it that unpredictable so after a 3 day talk with numerous vets and other Animal people i had her put down.
and i think after this month i will keep my cat and be done with dogs.. until i retire in 40 years....

Eyemagics Halley Pawz

2004-04-15T20:11:47Z

Halley
born may 27th 1992
she came home with me july 7th 1992
she is my little girl my heart and soul
i will remember her always and forever
her tennis ball chaseing, tail wagging,
metal eating ways will all ways be with me

halley pawz was the best dalmation ever born
12 years is a long time to love an animal
and it is hard to let go , and i guess someday
i will... or not.:)
love ya halley pawz
may 1992-april-2004

ins and outs

2004-04-09T21:36:48Z

every thing seems to be going good for my test i have to mail my paper work off soon and it will be done.

my dogs... i got a puppy about 2 weeks ago i named her piper and she is growing a lot but she started haveing seizures yesterday so it looks like ..i set my self up once agian with animal that is going to die on me. HAlley is doing ok thou she is having more and more trouble walking but she is comffy and not in pain right now so i will just have to wait and see how much longer she has with me .. but i promiced her a long time ago that i wouldn't be some of the owners i have seen that clings to they animal even when they're quallity of live is 0 .. so she still love to play with her tennis balls and go out for walks ( even if i have to help her get out there) she is still eating great.so i guess when her time is she will let me know.. i just hope im a loveing enough owner to see them.

i should be able to start LARPing agian soon a figuer after my paper work is sent off i should be in the clear.

so i have a list of good things and bad things right now and theyare about the same...i have a new girl friend ( yeah for girls ) she is the only butch girl i have ever dated and so far we have gotten along great!
she has even been about to suprise me and make me smile .i have been up front and totally honest with all my mental problems and i guess we will see where it ends up.
Im hoping for a lot i don't think i have been this open and comfortable around someone ever.

it is nice to fond that... even if she was my stalker for a while and i never thought i would be attracted to another butch girl ( more butch then me even) but i have fallen for her in a hard way.

Girlfriends

2004-04-07T06:55:26Z

It has been a long time seems i have accually asked someone to be my girlfriend...
Not that i haven't dated girls .. but i have never wanted to really besure that they thought of me the same way i did of them.

I am bouncey and can't wait until this weekend when she is comeing back to see me ( i hope). we want to hit Backstreets i think it would be a blast if a group of people when out and just hung around and maybe danced and drank alittle.

anyways i miss Larping , but my studying is going good and im almost finished with what i need to study i figure a few more weeks and i will be good for the test.

can some one tell me if you would have jumped over the counter and just killed this man.

tonight at work we have a cat come in male cat nuetered around 7 years old and he had started spraying in the house so the owned desides to put him out side ... yes a 7 year old cat with only rear claws and had never been out side before in it's life .... put him out side ..*DUMB ASS* anyways here is what made me want to kill this dumb ass so badly.... he watched a "large" dog chase the cat three nights ago up into a tree... * great the cat got away from the killer dog*
then he said he was sitting on the porch and saw the cat "fall" out of the tree and drag it's self under his porch .. * HELLO THE CAT MIGHT LIKE SOME HELP AT THIS POINT*... then he said his aunt came over tonight and the cat was blooding at the front door...... so he thought it needed to see a doctor ..... RIGHT....

the cat was under the porch 2 days people he got to the clinic with NOT one .. but both front legs broken .. im not talking just simple brakes here im talking one is a compond fractcher and the other was as back he will need noumerous surgers to fixs them.. his lower jaw was broken and his temp was 93 normal for a cat is 100-102.5 degrees so he was getting cold ( first sign of shock and or dieing)
so his dumb ass sits and talks to his aunt on his cell phone and refused to even let us do pain meds for the cat.... for 3 hours. i sat and watched this cat suffer just so the FUCKING OWNER cound talk to his FUCKING aunt about a FUCKING birth day party next month..... he didnt want to treat the cat he didn't want us to humanely put the cat down...... This is what real pissed me off.. ok first off i totally understand if you dont have the money if i didnt work where i do i most likely couldnt aford some of the stuff i do for my dogs and cat.

BUT GOD DAMN IT >>> I FUCKING EVEN OFERED TO PAY FOR THE CAT TO BE PUT DOWN OUT OF MY OWN FUCKING POCKET AND THE FUCK STILL WANTED TO TAKE THE CAT HOME.
THE VET BEGGED HIM TO LET US DO SOMETHING FOR THE CAT...

THE CAT DIE while THE GUY was CHECKING OUT....... that was 5 hours after the cat walked in the door the my clinic.... i will tell you i have ever in the 13 years i have been doing animal stuff have i wanted to beat the liveing shit out of some one and i have seen soom dumb shit before ......to let the cat suffer before branging it in the then once you get off your lazy fat ass you wont let us do anything.... I TRULY HATE PEOPLE SOMETIMES!!!

anyways sorry about that post but i had to get that down some where.

boiturtle @ 2004-03-24T01:10:00

2004-03-24T06:11:08Z

Your Fate in Gehenna by jahred
Your Characters Name
Generation	7
Clan/bloodline	Ventrue
What you Do	You fight Malkav
What happens to you	You become Mortal
What happens to the world	You Take over it

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

Boy i know i was Good .. but damn!!!:)

Song of the moment ( linkin park)

2004-03-23T07:48:31Z

When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find/That I'm
Not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own

I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone]
It's gone]
I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I Belong

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere/Only to fin that it's
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the
Way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
The fault is my own

I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything 'til I break away from me
And I will break away
I'll find myself today

I want to heal
I want to feel like I'm
Somewhere I belong

I have to say this song says so much to me and I just keep playing to over and over.

Well

2004-03-17T21:22:28Z

OK Peps
Here it is in a nuts shell. I'm going to play the turtle disappearing act soon to if you feel the need to bitch or piss and moon at me for what ever reason please do so in the next week.
I will be posting agian around june or july .. hell im not even shure im going to Pride this year any more.. im just kinda sick of the world right now.. so in to my shell this turtle is going.
bye

Girl friends

2004-03-11T14:31:45Z

I have been talking to this girl for about 3 weeks.
I like her ...alot... i took her out to dinner and we sat at starbuck last
friday and talked about nother pressing , just friend talk my thoughts her thought what we are and arenot looking for in a partner. She can home with me that night and sleep in my bed ( i sleep on my couch ) it was nice to watch someone sleep agian ( yes im strange but i can set for hours and just watch someone sleep).
we when and had breakfast and i too her to her car ( which was parked at my work ) we sat in the parking lot for about an hour talking more about my dog accually.
then she called me to day on my cell phone ( i always let then call me ) she wanted to come other and stay while tonya and ashley are out of town.
I told her she couldn't that i had to work and she would be her alone with all the dogs and i didn't want her to have to deal with this zoo.
I lied...... i feel like shit now.... but i don't want to just jump into another relationship with someone who don't now me.. not turtle not Jo but my the person i dont let out Cuz im scared i will run people off and i have lost more then one girl friend to the real me.. they fall for Turtle and not me.

So this is to the girls i have lost and learned from. thanks a lot ladys
remember i still love all of you.( this don't me call me or write i don't need you pitty) this is just one of the reasons im only alive today cuz i take pills that help keep my mind on the train track.
Heather
Mya
Alisha
Sasha
Love always Jo Marie

To Day

2004-03-09T07:34:42Z

To Day at work I was called an uncaring self centered bitch by a client.
I have been working on being a bitch im so glad someone has finially noticed:)
But really am I becomeing a bitch... maybe i need to get layed worse then i thought. oh well not ready. close but not yet. my mind is almost ok to handle sleeping with someone hell i might even try to one time fuck just for the hell of it:) or not.. im really to scared to catch something.. I don't like germs that can kill me.

boiturtle @ 2004-03-05T09:26:00

2004-03-05T14:27:53Z

I think we should all more to England or someplace that a ladys breast isnt the worst thing some one will see on TV.. please do you people know what your kids do in school these days?
much more then you know i can asure you all.

hmmm what to say

2004-03-05T14:26:02Z

i dont know what to say ...
really i have nothing to say i just dont like to think
about you all forgetting about me even if i have nothing to say ..:)
I hate growing my hair out for all of you who know me.. know it has been a long time seens i have has it any lenth beside very short.
but a promice is a promice so i will let it drive me nuts until pride then.. oh yes then i will be cutting it short agian:)

Fuck Bush

2004-02-25T03:37:29Z

And Im not talking the Kinda BUSH i Love nether
who the hell does mr. Bush think he is .. and does he really think he can stop the gay nation?
NO he can add all the fucking laws he wants and you know what it isn't going to matter we will still all in love and have family's and have jobs and fuck each other silly .. and Mr.Bush will have to live knowing that isn't a goddamn thing he can do to stop that...lol except say.... sorry you can't get married.. Fuck getting married we have couples that have be togeather for ever with out a fucking paper what said they belong to each other.

Sorry guy it is stupid shit like this that pissed me off and you know right now is not the time for the USA to be fighting over this.. we do have men and weman fighting in other countrys and even dieing and Mr. Bush is going to worry about this ..
What ever...... PLEASE PLEASE DONT VOTE THIS RED NECK PRICK ASS BACK INTO OFFICE PEOPLE....... yes i vote and No i did not vote for Mr. Bush and will not vote for Mr. Bush
that is all

OH YES!!! now i just need a girl to marrie:)

2004-02-15T20:46:10Z


Marriage is love.

Sometimes

2004-02-11T06:01:12Z

_rant ahead please beware_

What the fuck is up with the dumb asses in Ga.
I when this morrning to court with tonya and ashley ..( tonya is Jeadens #2 mommy now) . I get home and i get a call on my cell phone as i was about to fall a sleep ( is there any one who don't know i sleep alot during the day?)
anyways i have spoken to this person for a while she introduced me to a nother girl that well long story there. but out of the blue she call and i get the feeling im getting used all over agian so i tell her no then i feel bad im something really.
my head shrinking lady said i needed to stop letting poeple use me. i should at lest feel like i get something out of it. im like so you want me to start ... what?
she said stand up and get what you want dont let people just walk over you any more your not 6 yrs old you know..... hmmm you know she is right but some times that is easyer said then done. for me any ways... why do i pay 120 an hour for some one to tell me shit like that?....

i guess sometimes the world is fucked and im right in the middle just letting it happen.

any ways
people in this state don't know what the fuck Yeild means much less what a fucking stop sign is for.. this bastered all most took out my new truck and the car ashley and the baby was in .. i has about ready to let my temper show and bet the hell out of this prick..... then the car door opened and out poped an 78 yr old granny. and im like damn it i can't even yell at her i might give her a heart a attack or something.
luckaly no one was hurt and none of the cars where even scratched.."i love my big truck" hate the gas prices thou.

some one needs to take grannys drivers licences away but what the hell i know when im that age i will be still trying to drive:)

after the addoption we when and eat at this placed called the flying buicket or something it is out by out wright book store... never agian will i eat there is was ... well to say it nice.... bad very bad.. and im not picky about my food .. that is why im the size i am.

:) so i have to set my alarm on my phone so i remember to take my meds... my head shinking lady wanted to put me in the nutty ward for a few days.. im like fuck that shit im not looking to kill myself i just cant stand to be a round people right now and she said ...then you have to start takeing your meds once a day not when you remember them...grrrr. yes im a nut the crazyest person in the state of Ga right now.

see there are little things that set me off and sometimes i don't remember shit when i havent taken my meds in a while like people telling my stuff and then shit just gets fucked up and i have to stop and then rewind and start over . only i hate starting over and most of the time i just say fuck it and never rewind and do the things i should to make my fuck ups ok. i jusy get tired of it all .

so right now to every one who knows me and is reading this.. thank of me like this ..... if you get a yeah but i dont care from me then 9 time out od 10 im not even going to remember what you told me. it is part of my PTSD and when im not takeing my meds like i should then i just block some shit out and normally it is stupid shit that is easy for me to get over ..... untell it happen when im not on my meds.. i hate beeing so damn dependant on a pill to live my life ... so to all of you who at some point or another is like " what the hell is wrong with her... now ya know me i'm a fucking Nut case " and im sorry to any one i have pissed off the past few weeks well except jana you pushed it to far and this isn't for you i right now could careless if i ever get another e-mail from you.

some times i just want to give it all up. to stop thinking... stop wondering.. to go one day with out a nightmare or flash back . but she tell me in time it will get better.. time?.. how long.. when im died it will be better it has been 20 yrs this year that i started haveing the nightmares and flas backs and my mind just cant do it some times... so i stop sleeping and i stop takeing my meds and thenit is all down hill from there.
well im not done but i will stop .

HMM

2004-02-10T07:06:07Z

I got a card in the mail to day from my X in Texas.
have you ever had a relationship you look back on and wonder what the fuck you was thinking? but in some oddly sick way you miss it and wish you would have fought harder to keep it alive and well?
i just suck at reading people i think.

any who. the card had a turtle on it and a little butterfly sitting on its nose
i was the turtle she was the butterfly it was very cute anyways.
she asked how ever thing was going and let me know the cat of mine she keep had to be put to sleep on saterday . she said she tryed to call my cell phone but i didnt answer.
she sent me a picture of him and said she remembered the day we picked him up and what we promiced each other that day. i think im really to fucking mentally right now for her to do that shit to me ...... so i stoped reading and put the card a way i will have to read it later after i start remembering to take my meds like im supost too.
i never said i was perfect.

Work

2004-02-08T22:44:44Z

Work is good im glad i have ajob i enjoy most of the time
Dose anyone out here do safety for there work place.
I do it for mine and to tell you the truth it is a BIG PAIN IN MY ASS!.
ok that is all i have to say .
talk at you later
always

Soon to be

2004-02-07T08:48:34Z

Hello every one that reads my little and very simple post.
Today is game day LARPS are wonderful things.
and i think this is going to be a very lively meeting .
We have about 8 or10 sodas left i will stop and grab some more . i think we need diet too i know a few of the Larps drink those too

any way

my posts are not allways that much but you know what it is mine.:) oh and for those of you that dont know i don't care about my spelling and makeing sure and use .... in the right places and shit like that so if you are and teacher or just a pain in the ass do me and your self a favor and just not read anything i type ... thanks
in short people it you don't like it .. fuck off ..ok